My Unique Role

Believe it or not, here I am again. Five months later! I guess it’s been very loud in this house! I thought being able to drop the last feeding and getting Garrick to sleep thru the night was the high point of the slope to start going “back down” to our normal lives. WRONG! =o

Well, I know that I sound sarcastic, but the truth is that I have been supremely busy trying to enjoy Garrick’s everyday which makes me infinitely happy.  By the same token, I have been pouring enormous amounts of time on “learning to be a mother”, which continuously takes me different routes. From trying to stay focus on my life source -God, to focusing on strengthening my marriage, to investing time and life on relationships with other moms and families,-And actually all sorts of people, to reading, to participating in different moms groups, to allowing myself a bit of intuition and spontaneity, AND making mistakes etc, this is a time consuming endeavor, but believe me, most pleasurable and rewarding.

Did you know babies like to make burritos of themselves? =)

Among the multitude of my mothering lessons, I have discovered that being a mother has to do with WHO you are and continuously become, and not with WHAT YOU DO.  I know this sounds like a cliché, but for me has been so liberating! You see, I often joke about how the Hospital let us take Garrick home after delivery in spite of our inexperience with children. –Both my husband and are part of the group of weirdoes whom first diaper change was actually done right after our first child was born. =) On top of that, we both come from challenging upbringings, so we didn’t get  the richness of any healthy parenting modeling, thus our cluelessness about this subject.  However, these first 8 month immersion experience into mothering has helped me understand that though I value greatly all I’m learning from other sources and will continue openly embracing as much as I can from every opportunity, I am not learning to be a mother, but I am living and growing into the UNIQUE MOTHER that I am called to be.  

Knowing that the Lord called me to be Dave’s wife and Garrick’s mother, and that He wants me to be so in the middle of our unique family complexities and idiosyncrasies, and that there’s no one else in the world but me that can fulfill this calling, is both humbling and encouraging! That probably means that I will have to make some mistakes, go through some valleys, hopefully celebrate a bunch of specific victories and most importantly allow God to mold me in such a way that I can be the right fit for this family. What and awesome thought and how much relief! I love my new calling!...No going back, no going back! Let the loudness continue!

The Smell of Quiet

Thursday, November 18, 2010

 

Oh the smell of quiet! I guess I am starting to understand my fellow mother’s appreciation of this smell. It’s not even 9p and I can’t believe that I am finally here. I am finally journaling.the mobile stopped revolving and I know my 3 month old Garrick Jeremiah is sleeping ...happily dreaming about his next and last feeding of the day in about an hour. The house is deliciously quiet and there’s not little devil on top of my shoulder trying to snatch me away from the computer using the guilt trip of any undone house-shore. Everything I had to do today has been done. I mean I did it. And please don’t interpret that as full dose of boasting about myself.. allow me to enjoy my accomplishment.

See, a couple of months ago, sitting in front of the computer for the luxury of journaling was an ambitious dream that my hyper-busy days as a breastfeeding-don’t have a clue about babies- first time mom would not allow.  I guess I don’t have much to say today, but just share the joy of this little breakthrough.  

I guess re- discovering this new smell is one of the many beautiful stops I will make along the journey of motherhood. How sweet. It really feels like stopping on the side of the road to smell the roses.  It’s invigorating. I know my to do list still has many items to tackle, and some are ever-going. But the smell of quiet after knowing that today’s share of time and energy was invested properly at home is really priceless.  Thank you Lord for today’s bread..for today’s time, for today’s sweet smell. Amen.