David Elliot's Birth Story

I can’t believe it’s been almost 5 months since that happy morning. My heart still tingles with warm feelings at the thought of holding baby David Elliot for first time.  However the little details of the experience have started to slip from my memory. So, to honor my son and to crystallize the beauty of his birth in our family memory book, I have decided to put the whole experience in writing. It will be awesome to come back to this account some years from now and know that even though time has galloped in front of our eyes, the imprint of the beginning remains here and we can still enjoy it and celebrate it. I hope this is also a blessing for other pregnant women. I know it sounds like a cliche,  but giving birth truly is an empowering and life-changing experience!

The face of happiness at 5 months..

So, without any further ado, here it is how it all happened:

David Elliot was born a Thursday morning in the Cape Canaveral Hospital in Cocoa Beach, Florida. The same place our first son was born 2 years ago. We loved this hospital. I think it’s probably its smallness which gives it a familiar feeling as opposed to the “sterile” feeling of other medical facilities. Plus we love their “baby friendly” policies, where rooming-in with your baby is encouraged and they give you all the support you need to have a natural birth, and to get a head start on your breastfeeding journey. All the staff that helped us this time around was very helpful and professional, so much that I really felt like being pampered during my short stay. It was so nice to have so many people tending to us so that we could just freely focus on giving our baby the best start possible with nursing! We had considered having a home birth but our insurance made it almost impossible! But now that I think back, not having to deal with cleaning, laundry and cooking for a few days is a big deal with a new born! I have to say that there a couple of cons, like they don't have a NICU, but since we didn't have a "high risk" pregnancy, that wasn't a factor for us. Also, they are yet to get more comfortable beds for the Hubs who has to work hand on hand through the night with you. But we were able to get away with bringing our inflatable mattress. So we made it work! ;)

See what I'm talking about..

Ok, but as good as the hospital stay was, we knew better this second time around to labor for as long as we could at home! What a wise decision! My labor started 2 weeks prior to estimated due date. I still chuckle at the thought of my husband, as techie and nerdy as he is; excitingly jumping to get the contraction-tracker app he had exclusively gotten to fulfill his job duty. He went and got it out at the first and very doubtful mention of an almost imperceptible change of my contractions. Honestly I just thought it was another of my Braxton Hicks which usually tend to happen more often toward the end of the third trimester. I don’t know if in fact your second birth, as most mothers say, is easier, but if it weren’t for that tracker app and my husband insisting on a recurrent pattern, I wouldn’t had realized I was in labor! Or maybe I was hypnotized by my husband to give birth early? Ha!

"See, I told you!"..=)

I’m so grateful for my husband's wisdom that earlier on that day, had encouraged me to get a cleaning lady to complete all the nesting for baby that I hadn't been able to get to. Up to that point I was still in denial, thinking that I still had weeks to prepare. I remember the cleaning lady agreeing with hubby saying that the baby would be born the next morning. I don’t remember exactly how far apart my contractions were at the moment he started timing them, but I do remember that night we met our doula for last time to review our birth plan. We were planning to have 2 more weeks to plan everything. So little did we know that we would be calling her a few hours later to announce that our labor had in effect started!

The Bush team!

So even as the contractions had a sort of pattern at the beginning, they were not painful at all, so we were able to go to sleep as our doula had recommended. Rest as your body prepares for your birthing marathon is gold! I need to highlight hubby’s diligence and love to not only leave everything ready in the car in case of a sudden emergency, but also to take the time to decorate our room and bathroom with candles to create a calming environment for a laboring mommy. He also gets a lot of credit for coping with my “anal” tendencies when it comes to readiness, I think entering labor a bit earlier than expected set off a never ending stream of last minute tasks that I asked him to get ready before leaving. To which he lovingly responded: “it’s been taking care of honey”. Awesome.

Wait a minute..THIS is the complete team! =)

Anyway, getting back to the story, I woke up around 3a with a little more discomfort. It wasn't really pain, but the contractions were growing closer together, so I decided to wake hubby up and ask him to prepare the bath tub to help relax the muscles and my back. As he speedily prepared the tub, my contractions got more intense, I would say the pain level jumped from 3 to 5, we both decided that it was time to call Staci, our doula. She arrived timely about an hour later, and found me soaking in the tub, praying and praising God through every contraction. I know it sounds unusual, but that is exactly what I was doing, and it was working to keep me calmed! I am so grateful for the role that God gave her during David Elliot’s birth. You see, labor and delivery is an experience where emotions are very tender, the true colors of your personality and vulnerabilities come to the surface and I just felt that she had the ability to click with me and adjust perfectly to the idiosyncrasies of our family while guiding us and helping us walk through our birthing journey with a perfect combination of professionalism and compassion. I will never forget how she gently guided hubby on some great ways to effectively provide support and be an active participant of the whole process. I’m glad that we decided to have Staci with us, I think the whole labor and delivery run much more smoother not only by the fact of having another woman that could relate with me at a “female” level, but also by all the support she provided in taking turns with hubby when it came to holding me up while finding positions to relieve discomfort thru contractions, massaging, etc, Most importantly, she found her way to become an active part of praying our baby into this world. I think this last thing was completely instrumental in making our experience as peaceful, pain and stress-free and memorable as it was.

And even if it would've hurt more..this little one was so worthy!

I need to share that as I was preparing myself emotionally and mentally for delivery, I felt the need to ask a few close friends to join me in prayer during delivery. I am so grateful to those that decided to lift us up. The Lord listened and responded so faithfully! I also found some resources online that helped me focus on God’s promises of strength and the beauty of giving birth instead of focusing on fears and negativity. I found a lot of encouragement and information from this lady regarding how to invite God’s presence into our childbirth experience. What a difference did that make! After all He is the designer of life, pregnancy, delivery and the author of our very stories. I can testify that listening, meditating on scripture, praying and calling out to the name of the Lord as I walked thru the stages of my childbirth was completely awesome and empowering! If you are pregnant and are reading this, I encourage you to select some passages from the scripture that you think may inspire you and give you strength during the process. Lindsay from Passionate Homemaking has very good selections here if you can’t think of specific ones. I really enjoyed reading her articles. She also recommends reading the book “Redeeming Childbirth”, which I didn't get to because baby’s early arrival! =) I personally used a list of verses I was given on a retreat that meant a lot to me. I had both Hubby and Staci read them to me both during contractions and while I waited, and let me tell you, personally there wasn't any other more powerful pain-medication that I could have used! Really.

I actually remained on level 5 pain for a while. However as we continue timing the contractions they were getting closer and closer together, which was a sign of entering active labor. So we decided to start getting ready to go take off to the hospital. We got out of the tub and use the birthing ball for more relaxation. At that point my contractions were getting more intense, longer and within a range of 3 to 6 minutes apart. The pain labor had probably jumped up by a point, so It was nice to be able to move freely and found the most comfortable position to handle the discomfort. In my case, I found that seating on a reclining-forward position on the ball, while both Staci and Dave held me up strongly by my hands while praying and rubbing my back was best. That’s when we decided it was time to go to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital around 8:30a. When they checked me out, I was 6cm dilated and completely effaced. We reviewed my birth plan with the nurse on duty, and they were very respectful of my choices. I guess they saw I was calmed and working through the contractions with so much confidence that they didn't bother to offer any medication nor saw the need to alter my experience. So they pretty much stay out of the room until I requested them. I was just letting my body guide me through the journey. Whether standing, kneeling or seating on the ball, I moved with the rhythm my body and baby were singing.

Yes Mommy, what a wonderful "Duet" we made! =)

My doctor arrived shortly after to confirm that the bun was about to get out of the oven! We were really in the very last stretch of the road. I remember that I got to the point were the most comfortable position was to lay on my side while hubby held my hand as that allowed me to rest my back and legs. And as I laid in that position, I remember starting to feel the urge to push. I called for the doctor and apparently they were all standing by the door, because in less than minute the medical staff got in, and I was given complete green light to push. I remember pushing two times and feeling a significant increase of pain, however, it wasn't until the third contraction that I really felt pain. I was probably half of a second into feeling this surreal pain, and I thought for myself. Well, "I think this is the stage of the process where I had to completely depend on God"..and I was getting ready to experience a lot more pain. But before the same second was over, baby David Elliot was born. My fears and resolve to keep on going where quieted by his beautiful face, and skin, and smell. 

Praise God for His workmanship! 

He was born at 11:30 that morning.  He was completely adorable, healthy and wanted to nurse immediately!  What a joy it was to hold him on my chest at that moment. I remember that I was so lost into enjoying him, that I was completely oblivious to delivering the placenta and a few stitches from a very minor tear. And whatever else it may have transpired around me. But it was ok, It was over and it was time to start all over again. I was holding my new beginning close to my heart, and that was all it mattered at that moment!

Our journey to becoming a forever family - First Update

Blessings everybody!

Many of you have asked us for an update, and we wanted to let you know that we are slowly moving forward as we move through the numerous decisions pertaining to the adoption journey. We are currently in the process of selecting an agency and educating ourselves in regards to the spectrum of special needs. Even though going through an adoption can look overwhelming at first sight, we are very excited about the prospect of opening our home to our new son or daughter and we are trusting God will lead us through the process as we just take one step at a time...just the same way you eat an elephant right?! 

This is a short great video to learn about "Waiting Child" adoption

We recently took a class online called "Adoption Finance University"  offered by a very resourceful website called "Resources4adoption".  The class was informational and very helpful in the sense of outlining specific action steps that we need to work on during the pre-adoption stage. We think that sharing our progress  in every of these action steps is an effective way to keep you posted in our journey so that you can join us in prayer. Plus we get to share the learned lessons in case that you ever want to become a forever family yourselves!

With that in mind we want to share the first assignment we tackled in the process:

"Start thinking about what sort of adoption you are going to pursue. Make notes about what you feel are the advantages or disadvantages for each type and how you feel about an open or closed adoption."

We will be posting an update with some of our thoughts and attempts to follow God's guidance for our family regarding the "direction of our boat" concerning this matter. 

Finally, though very overdue, we didn't want to let pass the opportunity to THANK all of you who have used and continue using our link to Amazon to help us raise funds toward our adoption. For those of you that wonder what we are talking about we have created an Amazon associates link.  If you click on our link, it takes you directly to Amazon.com.  When you purchase anything within 24 hrs of clicking the link, we get credit for the advertising commission on the sale (about 4%).  The great thing is that it costs the purchaser nothing and we make a few dollars toward our adoption fund.  So far, we have raised $68.  Every little bit helps when facing the cost of adoption, so if you want to help, please continue to use the link.  In case you don't have it or lost the bookmark we sent out, the link is http://tinyurl.com/9L5rxah. You won't see any feedback from Amazon when you use the link, but yes it does work!  Thanks so much for helping out and becoming part of our adoption supporters!

Thank you all for your loving support,

The Bush's

Fighting Back the Kitchen Blues with Meal-planning & a Bonus Recipe

Ok confession time…meal planning has been quite a battle in here.  A long one, with some victories and many defeats.  I’ve had seasons were I had been at it for several weeks, and after feeling that the habit is set on place, life happens and plop, I find myself facing another “defeat” as I feel the stress of figuring out “what’s for dinner” on a daily basis. I know it’s not right to put a guilt trip on myself or anybody else. WE must fail forward. Grace covers this weakness and life is not perfect. There are seasons in life and you just have to adjust to them thru the journey..but man, I want to develop this habit! I know not everybody feels the need to meal plan. But for me, it saves some much time, energy and money when you know what you’re cooking everyday and that you don’t have to go for unplanned visits to the grocery store!  That itself is getting so much more difficult now that I have another little one! So here I’m giving it a try again. This time with some help of others. And I wanted to share the info with any of you that also struggle in this area and may want some help to get better at meal-planning.

Ok,  what I’m doing is signing up for this meal planning boot-camp that Kat Lee from Inspired to Action is holding this week.  (Awesome website! I encourage you to check it out, it’s all about practical ideas to get better at being a mom, homemaker, etc) I know there are a bunch of other ladies that are joining the challenge, and it will be a lot of fun to encourage each other thru the process. There’s a meal planning service called “plan to eat” (pretty cool and cheap: about $27 a yr after a current discount) that helps you streamline the process of saving your recipes, planning your meals and coming up with a shopping list.  And though the boot-camp will be based off this program, you don’t necessarily have to use it to get on board.  I know there are so many methods out there to meal plan! Some people have a monthly/weekly planner hung on the kitchen wall, others use a planner, there are meal-plan notebooks, etc. I was doing it manually in Evernote on my Ipad.  But I got sold out to signing up with plan to eat, after looking at some of the potential time savings I would be getting by getting the meal plan done with just a few clicks, a shopping list to go along with it, plus you get to share recipes with other subscribers. Isn't that awesome? I think it is. Plus they have a 30 days free trial. And not, they are not paying me to advertise. I'm just very excited about fighting back the kitchen blues! The least I can do is try!

OK, so since one of the first steps of getting started with this is try putting all your recipes in one place, I’m gonna share today a very basic recipe that was a hit for lunch today over here (I’m notorious for coming up with a yummy recipe, and forgetting how I did it because I don’t write it down). I’ll try to post some other recipes later.  Some won’t be originally mine. And it’s fine, because you can actually build your recipe “database” in the website importing recipes from everywhere online…I think there is even a way to get away from having to type anything..I will share as I learn. Ok here it goes, let’s call this recipe “Creamy chicken with Mushroom”. But you can call it as fancy as you want! It's so yummy, I promise! =D Warn you, this is not a low-fat recipe.  We are not afraid of consuming healthy saturated fats in our family as we like to follow many of the advice of the traditional style cooking. You can find some good information about it on the book “Nourishing Traditions ” or the Weston Price Foundation Website.

OK, here it goes:

Creamy Chicken with Mushrooms

Ingredients:

1 pound of chopped chicken (I used thighs to make it tastier)

1 medium chopped onion

3 cloves of minced garlic

2 TBS of Coconut Oil (We've learned that this is the healthiest cooking oil out there, check the link for the best deal per ounce we've found so far, without buying a 5 gallon tub, which we may do in the future)

1 TBS of butter

½ pd of sliced mushrooms

2 TBS of heavy cream

2 TBS of Worcestershire sauce (I'm yet to find and organic version, there's a way to make it at home: here but I haven't ventured there yet).
2 tps of flour
2/3 cup of water
Salt & pepper to taste

Steps:
-Combine flour, salt and pepper in a zip-lock bag. Add chopped chicken and shake it until well coated.
-Heat up coconut oil on non-stick pan and cook onions until clear. Add 2 cloves of garlic and cook for another 2 minutes.
-Add chicken to skillet, and cook until chicken gets a golden brown color (The idea is to seal up the juices of the chicken, so you have to stir constantly and not let it "sweat". Add cup of water and stir for a minute. Turn off the heat.
-On separate skillet add butter, remaining garlic and mushrooms, cook until mushrooms start rendering their juices (For about 3 minutes). Pout this mixture over chicken.
-Add heavy cream and Worcestershire.
-Add more salt and pepper if needed.
-Enjoy and have seconds! =)

Our Advent Readings this year: "Good News of Great Joy"

Children on board. What a difference do they make when it comes to experience the holidays! Well, at least that's how we feel. It seems like we are dealing with a complete different animal!  I don't think we had ever been surrounded or better being aware of so many community events, Christmas parties, gifts exchanges, parades, presentations, etc, etc, as we are now.  It really feels like upgrading to a new level of "busyness"!!

OK, ok, I don't want to rain on anybody's parade. We are actually enjoying it. We really had a good time putting our tree up, and letting our little one helping us hang the ornaments for first time.  I have a gingerbread house on the counter waiting to be decorated, and a cookie making family event lined up on the schedule. We are looking forward to have a simple family gift exchange and actually this year we are planning to get together with some neighbors to celebrate, which doesn't happen very frequently. So yes, we believe this is a wonderful season to create family memories and reach out to our community. However, it's the crazy-ness and the busyness feeling around the air that gets me.

We are learning that the "crazy-ness" of the season finds its perfect breeding environment in a culture that heavily market on children by selling to their parents the need of making sure every Christmas must be memorable for their little ones. And of course, since we're relatively new to the parenting scenario, we hadn't felt the full force of this phenomenon before. Now, we believe every Christmas should be memorable, however the means and the reasons why our culture wants to make it memorable are way off the real thing. So much busyness makes one wonder "why", if the One that we celebrate CHRISTmas for had such a simple and modest birth. Yet, history changing.

Now, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the "jolly" of the season. However as a family we really want to make sure we make it memorable for the right reasons and in the right way. That's why we are trying to start a new tradition at home with our family Advent readings. We know for sure this is not the only way to prepare our hearts to celebrate the birth of Jesus into this world. But we are trying to keep it simple and not let ourselves be sucked up on the frenzy of the commercialization of the holiday. I feel giving priority to quietly follow these readings at home with our family is going to keep our hearts and minds in check instead of driving ourselves insane with over-scheduling. This year we are using one of the free resources found in Desiring God. We love all the materials they have available for spiritual growth. Their website is such a treasure chest, we really encourage you to check it out! The Advent Study we are following is called "Good News of Great Joy" and they even gave me permission to translate the readings into Spanish to make them available for those of you Spanish Speakers. Click here to go to the translation  We hope this is a handy resource to enrich your Christmas, and help you make your Christmas memorable for the right reason, to receive the best gift that has ever been given in the history of humanity. The Gift of our Savior. May he be always not only the center of your Christmas, but also the center of your life!

Making Greek Yogurt at the Bush's

It may sound funny to you, but hubby really thinks his daily breakfast was directly sent from heaven! He says breakfast can't get any better than the "milk and honey" he gets every morning. You got it, he thinks the kitchen is the "promise land" where his "milk and honey" A.K.A Greek yogurt flows..Now don't ask me about how he fits the "Greek" part in the story ok.

Well, funny or not, I am completely delighted knowing that I don't have to second guess what he wants for breakfast everyday, and that I can provide as much as he likes (And that's a lot, people!) without breaking the family grocery budget. A quart of a comparable quality Greek yogurt from the store is about $4.50. (We like Cabot Greek). So at our normal rate of 6 quarts per month, we save about $14 a month or almost $170 a year saved on just one item! And that's without counting in the added value of having a homemade product with no yucky chemicals added. =)

Plus you can add whatever fresh fruit you want!

Ok, I have gotten enough people asking me about how to do yogurt at home. So even as I know the response is just "You tube" away, I want to share how we do it here for future reference. I will include the little lessons we've learned over almost 2 years of making it home.

Mmmm..seconds!

This is what you'll need:

1. A big pot: Bear in mind that the more you do, the less work you have to do.  I decided  to use a 20qt pot at home to be able to make 2 gallons of milk which yields about 3 quarts of creamy Greek yogurt. Enough to last us for two weeks.

2. Milk: As stated above 1 gallon yields about 1.5 qts. We use whole milk, as we don't like using diet products at home, specially diary. We respect other people's choices, but we personally dislike the chemicals added to skim milk, and personally believe that a decrease on consumption of healthy saturated fats can increase your cravings for carbs and sugars, which ultimately make you fatter. If you want to read more about it, you can go here. Or here. I warn you, this is a highly polemical subject. And it's ok if you disagree. You just do whatever you think is best for your family. You should know though, that the consistency of your homemade Greek yogurt will vary depending on your choice. Skim milk yields a less thick product. 

3. A Yogurt Starter: You'll need this just the first time you're making yogurt. After that you can keep reusing your own as a starter for years! We were recommended the brand "Seven Stars Farm". And we really think is the best. Well, not as good as the one made at home. But a second best. =) 

4. A Food Thermometer: We use a digital one with a probe on a cable that we just throw in the milk.

5. A Bowl or two: Depending on how much you're making.

6. A Strainer that fits your bowl(s)

7. 1 piece of Cheese-Cloth or Paper Towels: I like to use cheese cloth not only to go the greener route, (It's washable & reusable), but also saves you money in the long run. Because unless you use high quality paper towel, you may end up with yucky  pieces of paper towel in your yogurt. Bear in mind to never bleach your cheese-cloth, just wash it with warm water and  soap. I normally leave it soaking overnight on  a 50/50 solution of water & vinegar after I wash it.

8. A Heating Pad: We just use the same one we use for aching muscles. I can't recall using it for its real purpose, but just to make yogurt at home! =P

Ok. That's it. Here are your directions:

1. Pour milk in pot

2. Place on Med-high heat on stove

3. Stir: You can stir on an off the first few minutes, but once the milk gets warmer & warmer you want to stir more and more often. Milk can get burned at the botton of the pot, and you REALLY NEED to avoid this. With experience you'll learn how often you need to stir.

4. Measure the temperature: The goal is to take the pot off the heat at 185 degrees Fahrenheit    If this is the first time you're doing this, you want to drop your thermometer in the milk right after the milk starts getting warm. With experience, you'll learn that you can wait until you see bubbles forming around the round edges of the milk.

5. Take off the heat and let sit until temperature reaches 120 degrees: You may want to stir occasionally to avoid the cream to form a crust on top of your milk, unless you want to get rid of some cream. We try not to!

Unless you forget to stir, as you see on this picture..oops!

6. Add 2 heaped TBS of your yogurt starter. 

7. Cover with lid and place on top of your heating pad.

8. Let stand undisturbed for 10 hours or overnight

9. At this point you have regular yogurt and you don't have to do anything else if that's what you want. But keep on going if you want to "greekefy" it. =)

10. Set up your bowl(s), strainer(s), and liners as shown on the picture:

Use a double layer to maximize the straining process. ;)

11. Pour yogurt into the strainers with ladle:

12. Cover and let sit in fridge for another 6-8 hours. 

13. At this point you'll have Greek yogurt and whey. I normally save some of the whey to lacto-ferment other foods. You can get lots of ideas and benefits of lactofermentation on the book "Nourishing Traditions" or the Weston Price foundation website.

Ok that's it. Enjoy with whatever fits you fancy and have seconds!! Or use it as part of many other recipes. Do you know Greek yogurt is the base to make yummy Tzatziki sauce? There's another idea. ;)

How Losing Taught Me How to Love Best

4 weeks into notes about my slow personal study on 1 Corinthians 13…a few  verses at a time. Different angles, bunches of insights I hadn’t thought about before. Lots of verse references I think the Holy Spirit had timely brought to my intention to think deeply about what I was learning.  I few tears when facing some lessons.  Plenty of questions.  Pages and pages of notes that I would use to type up this post.  All gone in a second.  I lost it all, deleted inadvertently from my Ipad by my own hand, and with no clue about how to get it back.  I would love to say that I felt a natural impulse to just let go quietly and don’t think about it much.  After all, I was studying 1 Corinthians 13, the most quoted chapter about love in the bible…and love is PATIENT, isn’t it? Well I hated myself for a few moments to be honest with you. Why was I so s..silly?

My first impulse was just plain discouragement to stop my daily study.  After all I had already put a lot of effort into this while battling a very rough morning sickness. That, I thought should give me enough credit, plus I guess after all that study I had already gotten the point of the chapter right? Well, obviously I had not.  I've had got ZERO credit.  And I guess I needed to experience this little loss to just start getting it.  How is that?

Well, the main point about the chapter was TO LOVE. DUHHH!...Do I really even need to spend the time saying it?  Yes.  That’s one of the main points of the chapter.  Yet I wasn’t getting it.  I was unconsciously thinking that this chapter was about understanding and writing nicely about love, instead of about actually loving.  So basic.  Yet, it happens to me and many more so often! especially when we sign up for a bible study that includes discussion.  I don’t think the Lord wanted me to go thru this study to say at the end, “I GOT IT”, as much as to say “I AM DOING IT”..Ouchh!

Well, this takes me to the second point, which I promise will be pretty short.  After thinking a bit about actually doing the thing..I realized, that for as much as I want to be kind, patient, to not envy,  not be proud, not be dishonest with others, not be self-seeking, not be easily angry, not keep record of wrongs, to not delight in evil, but rejoice in truth, to always protect, always trust, always hope, to always persevere…I CAN'T DO IT. This is something that does not flow naturally. My natural tendencies will always lead me exactly the opposite direction. So that’s when I realized, that the only way that I can actually love this way, is to let God do it thru me. Which means that I will have to take another action step to not just theorize about God, but persistently and confidently  try to get closer and closer to Him so that He transforms me into that perfect prism that can reflect the multiple colors of his love. I am, and will remain being sadly opaque being apart from Him.  Therefore,  this is not a matter of duty or willpower, but of inability. To find fulfillment as I learn to relate to others in the way He intended, I need to love Him first and get lost in Him. Get lost so I can be found.  Get Lost in Him so I can find and be filled with His love to only then be able to irradiate it.  I know this is not an overnight process.  It involves a lifetime of constant effort, some standing up after failures, and some frustration before getting accomplishments.  But I am relieved when I think that as in many places in the bible, 1 Corinthians 13 is a model which God wants us to strive for, not a list of rules by which to shortchange ourselves.  

That’s it. Not a big head, but a big, willing and obedient heart as a goal. The pretty old and beat up line of “Love is a Verb” sinking into my soul, and “The How” I cooperate with God to let that happen. Thanks God for leaving with us the perfect model of this chapter. And because we are saved because of His love and not our own. Let Him take all the credit! Our Dear Jesus…Let us be more like you dear Jesus. Teach us to GET LOST IN YOU, SO THAT WE LOVE LIKE YOU!

Sharing the Baby News Early: Our Healing Experience

 I must confess that I am the happiest and most grateful prego mommy I’ve ever been. Yes, that is in spite of a stubborn and very debilitating morning sickness which kind of feels like an unwanted but necessary companion giving me indications that I am on the right course.  Last week we went to get my first ultrasound done and we were absolutely delighted to see the Baby’s first picture on the monitor.  What a heartwarming view..and sound! That strong heartbeat was like the sound of powerful drums celebrating the miracle of life and telling me everything will be alright! =)

Let me introduce you to Baby Bush # 3..Isn't he/she precious!

 You see, the last week of the past month was not an easy week for me.  As I slowly walked thru every day of the 10^th week of my pregnancy, I couldn’t help but remember that was the week my 2^nd baby, Jesse, went with the Lord.  I know many of you would silently scream at me with something like this: “Oh, Paola, but it’s so fool of you to dwell on that memory!”  However, I need to say that walking down a bit on memory lane was a necessary stop I had to make now.  In there, I was actually able to cherish the memory of my little Jesse whom I will someday see again, and I was also able to dwell in God’s promises as I confirm the reason why we decided to share the news  of our pregnancy so early.

Here I must say for the sake of the many mommies, some of them I know and deeply respect and appreciate that prudently decide to keep their pregnancy news private until the sensitive terrain of any possibility of miscarriage has for the most part been conquered. To those mommies I extend my heart with sisterly words of love and affirmation as I completely understand how some find it easier to cope with the potential feelings of pain and loss in the privacy of our own hearts and homes.

Baby giving us a " thumbs up, everything's fine here!" =)

However, not all of us are made out of the same pattern. I actually found most of my healing when I was able to externalize my feelings of pain and anguish first to God to be able to shelter myself in the comfort of His consoling presence and promises, and then get assurance and comfort on the empathetic words of those around that loved us and cared.  Now, walking on the brink of my second trimester and dismissing most probabilities of miscarriage, I do celebrate not only baby growing healthy and stronger, but also the reason why we shared the news early.

Basically, we did it first because we wanted to honor the memory of the little one we lost, as we believed that he was a person, a gift given to us since the very first moment of his conception.  In our minds and hearts we should celebrate our babies since the very beginning, knowing that they are conceived long before in the mind of God, and given His breath of life when that incomparable chromosomal fusion occurs. We believe that at that moment a life is given the gift of personhood, therefore a place in creation and eternity, and therefore in our families and affections.

Garrick sharing the news of a baby brother/sister on the way with the world! =)

Now it would be very dishonest of me to say that sharing the news early, an opening myself publicly to a potential unwanted turn of events wasn’t easy. Of course I dealt with feelings of fear.  However, I found comfort and affirmation on the fact that we were celebrating the lives that have been so far gifted to our family and we were respecting their right of finding a safe place in our home, both the one that we can see, smell and touch, and that one that has even a stronger presence in our affections and spiritual selves.

So in closure, I want to celebrate our family of 4, I also want to celebrate all that multitude of babies whose face we never saw, but which will see one day in heaven regardless of whether they were wanted or unwanted, openly or silently mourned. I want to celebrate the miracle of life and the joy that brings to us. I want to thank God for partnering with us to create life with our bodies and for allowing us being born into the role of parenthood through it. What a wonderful thought it is to know that our maker entrust us not only with a little body to train and love, but also with a soul..a potential and very desired piece of heaven!

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13