I must confess that I am the happiest and most grateful prego mommy I’ve ever been. Yes, that is in spite of a stubborn and very debilitating morning sickness which kind of feels like an unwanted but necessary companion giving me indications that I am on the right course. Last week we went to get my first ultrasound done and we were absolutely delighted to see the Baby’s first picture on the monitor. What a heartwarming view..and sound! That strong heartbeat was like the sound of powerful drums celebrating the miracle of life and telling me everything will be alright! =)
|Let me introduce you to Baby Bush # 3..Isn't he/she precious!|
You see, the last week of the past month was not an easy week for me. As I slowly walked thru every day of the 10th week of my pregnancy, I couldn’t help but remember that was the week my 2nd baby, Jesse, went with the Lord. I know many of you would silently scream at me with something like this: “Oh, Paola, but it’s so fool of you to dwell on that memory!” However, I need to say that walking down a bit on memory lane was a necessary stop I had to make now. In there, I was actually able to cherish the memory of my little Jesse whom I will someday see again, and I was also able to dwell in God’s promises as I confirm the reason why we decided to share the news of our pregnancy so early.
Here I must say for the sake of the many mommies, some of them I know and deeply respect and appreciate that prudently decide to keep their pregnancy news private until the sensitive terrain of any possibility of miscarriage has for the most part been conquered. To those mommies I extend my heart with sisterly words of love and affirmation as I completely understand how some find it easier to cope with the potential feelings of pain and loss in the privacy of our own hearts and homes.
|Baby giving us a " thumbs up, everything's fine here!" =)|
However, not all of us are made out of the same pattern. I actually found most of my healing when I was able to externalize my feelings of pain and anguish first to God to be able to shelter myself in the comfort of His consoling presence and promises, and then get assurance and comfort on the empathetic words of those around that loved us and cared. Now, walking on the brink of my second trimester and dismissing most probabilities of miscarriage, I do celebrate not only baby growing healthy and stronger, but also the reason why we shared the news early.
Basically, we did it first because we wanted to honor the memory of the little one we lost, as we believed that he was a person, a gift given to us since the very first moment of his conception. In our minds and hearts we should celebrate our babies since the very beginning, knowing that they are conceived long before in the mind of God, and given His breath of life when that incomparable chromosomal fusion occurs. We believe that at that moment a life is given the gift of personhood, therefore a place in creation and eternity, and therefore in our families and affections.
|Garrick sharing the news of a baby brother/sister on the way with the world! =)|
Now it would be very dishonest of me to say that sharing the news early, an opening myself publicly to a potential unwanted turn of events wasn’t easy. Of course I dealt with feelings of fear. However, I found comfort and affirmation on the fact that we were celebrating the lives that have been so far gifted to our family and we were respecting their right of finding a safe place in our home, both the one that we can see, smell and touch, and that one that has even a stronger presence in our affections and spiritual selves.
So in closure, I want to celebrate our family of 4, I also want to celebrate all that multitude of babies whose face we never saw, but which will see one day in heaven regardless of whether they were wanted or unwanted, openly or silently mourned. I want to celebrate the miracle of life and the joy that brings to us. I want to thank God for partnering with us to create life with our bodies and for allowing us being born into the role of parenthood through it. What a wonderful thought it is to know that our maker entrust us not only with a little body to train and love, but also with a soul..a potential and very desired piece of heaven!
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13